Remember that time I had two toddlers fighting over a toy in my bed at 3am?
Oh right. You don’t. Because I don’t have toddlers.
What I do have, apparently, are two very dramatic spaniels.
Gizmo and Emmie spend most of their day stealing the same object away from each other. It does not matter if we have many objects. Much like actual children, they need the same one. However, thus far, the “It’s Mine!” game has not involved the need for a referee.
Until the other night.
Like every night, Gizmo crawled into our bed with the rest of the fur family with a chewy. We fell asleep.
Enter 3am, when Emmie must have successfully stolen it away from Gizmo, who was clearly not successful in getting it back.
Don’t worry, ya’ll.
He has a solution.
It’s called mom.
For a dog who is still working on being okay with physical touch, apparently “standing on top of” is an okay social boundary. He literally hopped up onto my back and then BARKED into my ear. His shrill, piercingly loud, I-mean-it bark. Repeatedly. And stompy-stomped with those little paws of his.
Until, in the middle of my need for sleep, I made the poor choice of taking the chewy from Emmie, giving it back to Gizmo, and telling everyone to leave me alone.
Apparently, Half-Awake Brittney needs to think things through a bit.
Enter last night.
Repeat the process.
Then wait a few minutes – why? Because Emmie realized that if you tell ME that someone took your chewy, I will get it back for you. But Emmie? Is not a barker. And she certainly has better social graces and would never stand on someone while they slumber.
So instead, she waltzed over to the side of my face and… HIT ME IN THE HEAD.
When I opened my eyes, she wiggled her butt and sat. Innocent eyes and blinked. Like, HEY THERE. SINCE YOU’RE AWAKE, I CAN HAS CHEWY?
We clearly need to begin picking up toy and chewy bins before bed, I see.